(via mushroomvision)Source: myrealnameisraven
I feel like a struggling inventor assigned with saving the planet from an overflow of trash. And all I’ve been given to do my job is the trash itself and a set of broken tools.
I can’t hold onto happiness for more than an hour at a time. And I don’t care that happiness is a choice. It’s a choice that has its roots in the air, not in the earth. It is a choice that allows me to be happy with nonsense. I don’t want to be happy for no reason. I want to have all the reasons in the world to be happy, and I want to cling to them and savor them until my dying breath.
I can’t manage my time to create the changes I need. Right now, only my friends can make me happy, and I’m starting to see that if I don’t cut them out of my life ASAP I’m going to do a nosedive before I even reach the starting line in this fucking race. Social expectations will be the death of me. I have so many people telling me what to do. And if I shut any of them out, the guilt will begin to eat at me for “acting arrogantly.”
But everyone’s so fucking ignorant anyways. EVERYONE. I can’t really help feeling that way, but we all have so many limitations. We’re confined by our experience. We’re confined by our parents. We’re confined by our friends. We’re confined by love and hate. We’re confined by the very appearance of freedom. We will always expect change, and we will always hope to be a part of it. And in expressing our own freedoms, we end up putting pressure on others to follow. In a world full of followers, there is no freedom. With so many different leaders, there is so much war. With a single-track state of mind, one may stand a much better chance at finding a single solution to a problem. However, in the creation of solutions, all too often people dig up new problems. We are digging holes in search of treasure, only to find that all the dirt we had to move out of the way is being used by future generations to bury us.
I’m incredibly cynical, yes. I make it sound like there’s no point in doing anything sometimes, yes. However, things very rarely go according to plan. I can only do what everyone hopes for; I can only try my hardest to be the wild card that will change things up to keep people from lying to themselves.
When we lie to ourselves, we open ourselves up to the option of removing responsibility from our lives. We hope to avoid “negative pressures” (as they make us feel uncomfortable). However, discomfort is one of the most honest parts of life. Disagreement is much more realistic than agreement. It is all too common that people act as they understand what they are being told, when they really interpret it for themselves. Relativity and objectivity are a difficult distinction. Good and evil are an even harder distinction. One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
These are those old sayings that everyone remembers hearing as a kid, and then forgets because they aren’t talked about except to teach you not to keep looking for things that you don’t have. And of course, these two objective definitions of relativity can prove only one thing; People will always be jealous of other people. People will always be dissatisfied with being alone. Being alone is truly the great fear of all humanity. We don’t believe that we can do enough. We don’t believe that we can have enough. Sometimes, we can’t even trust ourselves like we can trust other people. We all need allies. And this is why some people become leaders. They see this truth, and they create the alliance; either honestly or through lies. Just as our U.S. government sets a process before us all, hoping to promote the appearance of equal opportunity, there will always be some people who are favored over others. Just as in a game of rock, paper, scissors, EVERYTHING has it’s benefits and deficits. That’s life. It’s like a roller coaster. And you don’t control it really, you’re just along for the ride. And of course, all the other people on the roller coaster are judging you. That’s just instinctual though. We need to know who and what to trust, and it’s difficult when encountering new individuals or concepts.
Misunderstanding and miscommunication are the two largest flaws in our world. Things are most commonly broken when they are being used incorrectly, as you may know from many childhood memories. As people create their own ideas, sometimes they may find things that really do work for them. Other people may try to learn from these examples, but may unfortunately grow to use them incorrectly. Taken out of context, things rarely have the originally intended effect. Context is very important in interpretation of a concept. Hearing my childhood hero tell me that white lies can be okay sometimes will give me a very different impression than if I were told the same thing by someone I am very begrudging against. This is why it is incredibly important to understand the true sources of information. The true sources of belief. Why do other people see things the way they do? Why do you assume the things you assume? Do you have the right to take things for granted, or do those things you take for granted have a variable source? Where is change coming from? Where are you going with it? Why do we still have this economic system? Why do we still complain about life in America when the standard of living here is so much higher than in so many other countries? Compare a homeless man in America to the average African man. One survives off the scraps of the wealthy and successful, and one scrounges the desert for water in a land of limited resources.
Does America care about these types of people? In America, what types of people truly succeed? Is it any different than in any other place? Is it understanding the political economic system that matters most, or is it the understanding of what people want?
Do degrees and diplomas really matter, or is it more about proving your skills and abilities to the people you’ll be working for?
You can’t know what other changes will take place when you do something differently. However, you can always see those changes after the fact and address them to do things differently again.
Remember, with each solution comes a new problem. And with each problem, a new solution. Nothing has a beginning or an end. Actually, everything is a beginning and an end. Right now is the end of my past, and the beginning of my future. But, my past and future are really just one and the same in being pieces of my life. It’s not about working from start to finish, it’s about giving it your all, every second of every day, as you ride the ups and the downs of all the waves that come your way.
I think I’m a genius, and I don’t think anyone wants to believe it or accept it. And I don’t know why it matters either, other than because I can’t agree with people on their beliefs usually. Is it bias, or is it truth? Can it be known? For there seems to be no truth, but there seems to be only truth all the same. Manipulation comes from lies and it is scary. Lies are reality. Reality is truth. Truth is expected to be pure and beautiful. Really, it is a broken and twisted truth.
I hate to break it to everyone but the standard for good really isn’t that high. And hope is more likely to disappoint than it is to fix anything.
Why should I care, really? Is good and evil a battle I should be trying to fight? Should I commit myself to the impossible? Should I release myself from it all? Should I embrace the world for all it’s things, pleasing and displeasing?
"Should I live, should I die, does it even matter? The rain keeps falling down with eternal pitter patter."
Should I give up on trying to make changes in the world, as the world and I are not really moving at the same pace, should I put aside all of my previous beliefs of success and just start to follow the American model? I can already see myself making sense of all this nonsense. And I don’t like the rationality. But I can’t know anything for certain, and I don’t want to die. All I can really do is make a bunch of expectations and hope that I’m doing all the math right.
Math is interesting. It never changes. It defines everything. Truly, numbers are much more honest to me than any words can ever be. Words are easily twisted to prove a point. Numbers alone cannot be, unless they are labeled in a sneaky way by words.
I feel like one day I’m going to be rich and alone because I’m the only one who really understands equality, and balance. Which really, is all about inequality and imbalance. Sorry to be confusing, but life’s confusing.
To end things and clear anything up I leave you all with this:
Balance only exists in an ideal. Scientifically speaking, nothing is ever holding absolutely still. Life is movement, and movement creates change. When you change something that had balance, it must attempt to recreate balance. Energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transferred. Nothing begins or ends, but the beginning and ending are one and are simply an evolution from one story to another. There is only balance in the way that all things are eventually replaced. There is only balance in the way that things change, and there is only change in the way that things are knocked off balance. Balance is the goal and imbalance is the process. You can’t find the middle ground without covering both sides of it first.
Have a good journey everyone. And don’t listen to me, I’m the most manipulative person out there. And I’m a paradox, so I don’t make much sense anyways.